his car is like a raven winding up the dirt road. the headlights quiver with the bumps and i hold my breath, trying not to cry. i can taste the anticipation, like coffee and cigarettes. everything is on fire and the whole world is mad, spinning into a quiet oblivion. i suddenly realize how the grass feels underneath my bare-feet, how long has it been since i have stood barefoot? i am waiting, and falling, and standing back up and falling over and over again.
you're here, i don't believe you're here.
but then i'm there, tangled within him again and the world is on fire. he hugs me as if he's afraid to let go. and i'm afraid of him letting go. it's been so many days, months, years? his hair is longer and his eyes are tired but still just as intoxicating. he picks me up like i'm fourteen, and i've never seen a sight so devastatingly beautiful. he has me drooling every cliche; i'm weak in the knees, and lets carve our names into that old oak tree, because our love is evergreen.
he's here now and we are weaving our way through hushed streets at midnight, the music on high, the wind bustling through our hair and the world dancing by us on fire. but it's been so long, i don't know if we will ever find our way back, so i draw a map upon an old napkin, and he cracks a grin and makes a joke like he does – his right hand in between my bare thighs. i sigh.
and then we are on our backs upon the dewy grass and i connect his freckles like constellations and the stars are on fire in the burnt coffee sky. he looks to me, he whispers oh how i've missed those green eyes – they're mine, they're mine. as he swallows me whole. he finds a flower to tuck behind my ear, his fingers feel like poetry upon my pale moon skin, and it's as though i am a comet about to combust into stardust, and it's everything. he's everything. everything i missed. everything i yearned to find elsewhere. and everything i knew i couldn't.
life without you isn't much of a life. it feels like a parenthesis; time is unfocused, blurry. and i can't taste my favorite foods, i can't taste much of anything. i fell in love with you, but never out.
and the cicadas play a song in the background, a tune that sounds like a lullaby, the world is on fire and he enfolds me within his arms as if he will never let me go. and i don't want him to ever let me go.